


Not in that Way

by vernonie



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst and Feels, F/F, I'm Sorry, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction, Sad Ending, Slow Burn, Teen Angst, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-04
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-07-25 07:48:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16193222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vernonie/pseuds/vernonie
Summary: In which Lisa loves Chaeyoung, but not in that way.





	Not in that Way

**Author's Note:**

> this one-shot is loosely based on sam smith's lovely ballad "not in that way". i only really got inspired to use the song's title for my title, and the plot is based on the angst of the song. enjoy <3

Somehow, things always ended up like this. 

Chaeyoung was curled up on her bed, hugging her ragged blanket to her chest. Her eyes stared emptily at the window to the side of her bed, and her brown orbs observed the rain drops fall out of the sky swiftly. Chaeyoung felt like crying, but like always -- crying did nothing. It only really made her feel like shit.

Just a few moments ago, Chaeyoung and her best friend, Lisa, were chatting happily on the phone. That was until she brought up that  _new boy,_ Josh. Then, things for Chaeyoung went downhill from there, but Lisa didn't seem to notice as she endlessly rambled on about the boy she liked. And as always, Lisa would end the call with an "I love you, Chae". Before Chaeyoung could say those words back, Lisa would hang up.

Chaeyoung has grown to hate a lot of things -- syrup, peanut butter, math, Josh, wool, and whenever Lisa said "I love you". Lisa never knew what those words meant to Chaeyoung, because they were just three empty words Lisa would say to her best friend. Whenever those words were uttered, Chaeyoung felt her already heavy heart sink some more. 

Chaeyoung had come to terms with her feelings in late junior year, right after prom. When she saw Lisa in that beautiful blue dress, something inside Chaeyoung  _snapped._ And suddenly, the sweet girl that had always been there for her had turned into much more than just a best friend. Chaeyoung wouldn't dare tell Lisa how she felt because she didn't want to ruin their friendship. Not only that, Lisa was straight.

Chaeyoung hadn't dared to tell a single soul about her love for her best friend, and she kept it that way. Out of naivety, Chaeyoung assumed the feelings would pass over time. Instead, those feelings had only intensified, sending Chaeyoung head over heels in love with her best friend. The way Lisa's nose crunched up when she laughed, or how she could fit any color hair, everything about the girl was just  _perfect._

Chaeyoung finally felt the tears sting her brown eyes, falling down slowly on the side of her face, past the bridge of her nose, all the way to the tattered mattress she slept on. Soon, a few mere tears turned into a tsunami of crying.  _There we go,_ Chaeyoung thought, wondering when she'd finally break down. Love was nothing like it was in the movies! Sure, there were problems in the beginning, but in the end the main couple would get together! Instead, the love Chaeyoung felt had crushed her spirit, broken her soul, and covered her with wounds. It hurt so much to love, and she so desperately wanted to stop.

Every single time Chaeyoung thought she was over Lisa, she'd look over their texts or photos together, and suddenly the feelings came back stronger than ever. 

_Why does it hurt so much?_

Chaeyoung looked at Lisa's contact on her phone, staring intently at the funny picture Chaeyoung kept as her profile. It was Lisa sneezing, and Chaeyoung got it on camera. Chaeyoung sadly laughed at the stupid picture she had caught. 

She then bore her eyes into the photo of the girl she was in love with.  _You are not good for my heart,_ Chaeyoung decided. 

 _Being around you hurts me so much, but when I'm away from you I feel lost and lonely. I wish I didn't love you,_ Chaeyoung pondered sadly. The tears gradually came to a halt, and Chaeyoung found herself falling asleep on her uncomfortable mattress.

-

The next day at school, Chaeyoung and Lisa were by their lockers getting ready for first period. Halloween was approaching, and everybody was invited to this huge party this girl named Jennie Kim was throwing. "Are you going?" Lisa asked absentmindedly, applying lip gloss while looking at the mirror in her locker. Chaeyoung looked at Lisa in awe, until she processed what she had asked. 

"I have to, don't I? We must enter the couple's costume contest together, right?" Chaeyoung questioned, and Lisa smiled warmly. Every year, Lisa would force a reluctant Chaeyoung to dress up for Halloween in a couple's costume. Chaeyoung was never big on costumes or holidays, but somehow Lisa made her slightly enjoy it. Chaeyoung would never admit it, but she liked dressing up -- but only because she got to do it with Lisa.

"Don't worry, Chae. This year I think I'm going to go with something rather... _provocative._ " 

Chaeyoung's heart sank. "What do you mean?" Chaeyoung emptily interrogated. She knew why.  _She fucking knew why._

"Remember Josh? Well I hope that the costume I wear will impress him. Plus, I feel bad for forcing you to dress up with me -- I know you hate it. I can just tell, Chae. You may not be so easy to read from other people's perspective, but I can read you like a book." 

Chaeyoung scoffed sarcastically, then pretended it was a cough. How terribly ironic. Chaeyoung wanted to shout  _no!_ She wanted to dress up with her best friend, and she most definitely did not want her to wear something to impress that stupid fucking new kid. He'll be easy to impress, since she's fucking Lalisa Manoban.

Chaeyoung wanted to cry.  _Over this? God, get a fucking grip, Chae,_ she thought. Why did this matter so much to Chaeyoung? Was this just another thing Chaeyoung had over-analyzed about their friendship? Lisa was just being considerate, since she loved Chaeyoung -- just not in that way.

"I gotta go to class, bye Lisa." Chaeyoung muttered, shutting her locker and scooting off to the bathroom.

"Your first class is that way!" Lisa argued, but Chaeyoung was just too quick, and she soon disappeared out of Lisa's sight. 

In the luckily empty bathroom, Chaeyoung found herself staring at her reflection. She looked...tired. 

Chaeyoung had straight dark brown hair, dark brown eyes, and a rather slim and skinny figure. Black bags lied under her eyes, signifying the utter exhaustion Chaeyoung was suffering from. 

Chaeyoung wanted to cry, like she always did. She wanted to cry and break down and feel bad, because there was nothing she could do to make Lisa love her the way she loved Lisa. What good did it do? What did crying accomplish?

Was there anything to really accomplish, though? Lisa would never love Chaeyoung in that way. Chaeyoung knew that, and it hurt so fucking much. It was like somebody had punched her in the gut, knocking the wind out of her. The reality Chaeyoung lived in was a sick and cold one, filled with unrequited love and self pity.

"I'm pathetic," Chaeyoung scoffed, "I'm fucking pathetic."

-

Throughout the rest of the day, Chaeyoung avoided Lisa at all costs. After loving her for so long, she didn't know how she could look at her without breaking down. Chaeyoung didn't know what to do -- she was torn. 

When the final bell rang, Chaeyoung scurried out of class and straight to her locker. She completely forgot about her attempt to avoid Lisa, so when she made eye contact with the girl she felt a jolt of electricity zip through her spine. 

Even in the most simple attire, Lisa was absolutely stunning. Soon, the skinny girl came jogging towards Chaeyoung. "Hey Chae! What's wrong?" Lisa frantically asked.

 _The fact that you don't love me back,_ Chaeyoung thought. "Nothing, Lisa. I just got a little sad, that's all."

Immediately, Chaeyoung was wrapped in Lisa's bony yet warm embrace, and Chaeyoung hugged her back. "I love you, Chae." Lisa murmured. Chaeyoung swallowed the huge lump in her throat.

"I love you too, Lisa."

-

Soon, the night of the Halloween party came. Chaeyoung had decided to be a casual prisoner, dressed in an orange jumpsuit. Suddenly, Chaeyoung's phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hey Chae, it's Lisa. Just wondering -- can you get to the party on your own tonight? Josh is giving me a ride!" Lisa squealed, and Chaeyoung froze in her spot. There was a long silence on her end, and Chaeyoung completely forgot what she was supposed to say, because  _oh my god._

Lisa would actually start dating someone -- and it wouldn't be Chaeyoung. 

"Chaeeeee? Hello?"

"Oh! Yeah, sorry. Um, it's fine." Chaeyoung reassured, her voice fading to a small whisper. Lisa said something along the lines of  _great,_ and  _I love you,_ and then she hung up. 

Lisa was the person Chaeyoung went to when her parents were fighting, or when her Dad died. Lisa was Chaeyoung's escape, Lisa made Chaeyoung so happy. So, why did just hearing her voice make Chaeyoung so sad?

-

Chaeyoung arrived at the party with a blank expression. People were already out on the front lawn, in odd costumes. A few people were wasted and slurring their unimportant words, but Chaeyoung barely bat an eye.

When she arrived in the house, a swarm of humans were out dancing with red cups in their hands. The environment smelled of sweat and booze, two things Chaeyoung was not exactly fond of. 

Then, Chaeyoung spotted Lisa, in a costume that was supposed to resemble a...cat? She had a cat ear headband on, but an extremely short black dress with a leopard belt tied around her small waist. She was dancing with that boy Josh with a red cup in her hand.

Soon, Lisa spotted Chaeyoung, and she smiled immediately. Lisa walked over to Chaeyoung with black stilettos on. Chaeyoung looked at anything but Lisa, she felt as if she wasn't supposed to see her best friend like this.

"Hey Chae! We're playing games over there, would you like to join?" Lisa asked, with a slight buzz to her words. Chaeyoung could tell Lisa was slightly tipsy.

"No thanks, Lisa. I'll just observe." 

Lisa nodded, and went back to her new boy toy and starting playing spin the bottle. Chaeyoung couldn't bear to watch so many people get to kiss the girl she has always wanted to kiss. 

So, Chaeyoung just got wasted. She drank as much as she could, the world around her a hazy blur. Her ears rang with the music and shouts from the people, as she stumbled around with an unclear head.

She soon started to wander endlessly around the crowded house, somehow making her way upstairs. She saw a pair of bodies groove past her, the two people very touchy and kissing one another.

"'Scuse meee." Chaeyoung slurred, and then the girl pulled away and soon Chaeyoung saw that it was Lisa and Josh.

"Chae, how much did you drink?" Lisa asked alertly, putting her hand on her forehead as if that would determine something. 

"I dunno." Chaeyoung shrugged, distracted and shooting daggers at the boy next to her. 

"Josh I...I think-"

"I got it, Lisa." The boy mumbled annoyingly, and the inebriated Chaeyoung could sense the thick disappointment in the atmosphere. Chaeyoung could either let Lisa and Josh continue whatever they were doing, or Lisa could take Chaeyoung home and take care of her. Obviously, the latter was the better decision to Chaeyoung. 

Yet, Lisa looked so sad. 

"Nahhhhh." Chaeyoung muttered.

"What?" Lisa blurted.

"Go, I'll be fine. I can walk home, and I have pepper spray. I'll be fine,  _go._ " Chaeyoung demanded, making a lazy shoo movement with her hand signalling for the couple to go have their fun. Even when intoxicated, letting Lisa go and be romantic with another person stung more than any shot of vodka she took that night.

"Thank you so much, Chae. I love you." Lisa whispered, and Chaeyoung just nodded. 

She wanted to say those words back, but she just  _couldn't._ "You're welcome." Is all she could muster, and soon Chaeyoung stumbled down the stairs and out of the house.

On the front lawn, Chaeyoung let a huge puddle of bile spill out of her mouth. It tasted like acid and alcohol, but it sobered her up. Soon, she started her walk home. She took one last look at the house, her eyes watery and weak.

"I love you too, Lisa."

And then she walked home, letting the girl she loved go. She let her go because she loved her, but  _not in that way._

 

 


End file.
